12-23-2023, 06:59 PM
First and Foremost, I just want to start by saying thank you to anyone kind enough to give a shit about the people and the the cause on this site. I find it endearing to have a place like this where people can put their pride and ego aside and just say FUCK IT, I need help and can you provide it to me. My whole life, I have not been the girl to ask for help when I need it and looking back I wish i could have just let go of the embarrassment and shame and said yes, help me though i feel like i failed. I just guess Ive always tried to prove to myself that I dont need anyone else because Ive always had to just rely on me. Now, im fortunate enough to say that i have family, and never starved and was able to have an okay education but I have always been the black sheep. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. My dad just didnt want to be a dad and dipped when I was four years old just to remain as somewhat of a help when i needed money here and there and the other somewhat dark side was due to my mother and her disease, unbeknownst to her. She suffers from Munchausen syndrome by proxy and Im just the by-product of that. I didnt even realize i was the only child of my 3 other siblings that was the target of this really fucked up disease that my mom still suffers with. It was never physical fortunately but merely psychological. I didnt even find out that this even occurred until i turned 31. But now I know why Ive suffered from social anxiety, severe manic depression, loneliness, drug and alcohol addiction and trouble with finding my place in this world. I have searched my whole life to find the self love i deserve and to just simply BE OKAY. If thats all i have then i think im doing pretty well for myself. Besides the unfortunate cards i was dealt in my past, I have always been quiet about those details because I could have it worse but i dont and who am i to complain about it. Im grateful for what I had even if it wasnt healthy or ideal. I would literally die for the ones i love ( which are few and far between) and I live every day to my standards and I cherish every single breath im given while I still have it. My loneliness and the void of comfort and love from my family made me the woman I am writing this to yall right now. I love who I am and I am proud to be whatever i turned out to be but to cut it short I do need financial help. I am in between a big ass rock and a harder place. My current status is caused by a narcissistic and abusive "man" named Kyle that I met two years ago at a concert at red rocks,colorado, ugh how I hate that name. Fell madly in love with him, and i mean fell hard. Did everything he said. As if he had a spell cast upon me. Well this man that said he loved me ultimately decided to, after months of mental abuse, to put his hands on me. By that i mean punch me in my eye 5 times until i was laying in the grass coughing blood. Brutal i know and apologies if that doesnt sit right with anyone but the truth hurts. Well, there was a trial of course, and after him and his lawyer successfully made me look unstable in court, most of the charges were dropped and he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon being his car(he attempted to plow me down with it) and he was only given two years of anger management. That was finalized in july of last year and I didnt take it well. I let it destroy me mentally. I felt so sorry for myself and used it as an excuse to let drugs, sex and alcohol make me feel amazing and to forget the mere existence of him. Didnt work for long though because not even a few weeks after the trial, and days before my birthday I had a few drinks and decided to selfishly get into the car i was buying from my brother in law and drive. I got pulled over for speeding and this is where it all when to shit. Got a DWI and spent two days in the county jail. and If you have never had a DWI 1.thank you for not being a selfish idiot, and 2. the purpose of a DWI is to be so expensive and detrimental to your bank account and life that you will never think about doing it again. Since then I have lost my license, my job, my car, my apartment, every single cent of money i had. I lost it all. I cant find an employer that will hire me without a license and with the charge on my record. Its like the system is designed to ensure that your fail and suffer for my mistake. I really just dont know what to do or where to go. Im not mad at anyone but myself because i caused this. I made the choices leading to this and I have to change it. But i dont come from a family of money and because of my past addictions and depression I have lost all connections to my family and I have no friends. I mean none. Lonely does not begin to describe myself. I have been homeless on the streets in the cold. Ive gone hungry and Ive been to point of throwing in the towel, BUT I REFUSE. I am actively reaching out to the resources in my city for assistance but with no success. I have goals and I just need financial help to get my back to Bri. To get me to a point where I can just say that IM OKAY. I need to get my license first off. I have to pay a reinstatement fee to begin the process. That is gonna cost $105.75 to the state. Second I need to get Non owners SR22 insurance so I have an insurance policy. thats roughly $200.00 with progressive insurance to get the policy in place so I can get a clearance letter. Then i Can go to the DMV and get my License which is roughly $96.00 after all the fees. I also would be grateful for financial assistance with food and other things just to help me feel human again. Just something to have in my cashapp account so its not in the negative anymore. Its been in the negative for $85.00 and rising for a few months now. I just want to be back at zero so I dont lose my account and my mind. Respectively im actively looking for work at somewhere willing to hire me without my license and the charge i have. Im a good person that made a bad mistake and I will not complain about it anyone more that I am right now because we all have it rough and I assure you someone has it much worse than I do. After the novella i just wrote to yall , the one thing i can say is my heart is full of so much love , gratitude, and deep understanding of why I am here. I will continue to walk my path with a truthful heart and I will continue to be 100% authentically me. I cant change my past but i will improve my future. Im just asking for someone to have faith in me and to help me help myself to get to a stable place. Remember that what goes around comes back around and practicing selflessness is one of the most beautiful things a human can do. I hope you find this message well and If you are also going through depression and loneliness you can message me if you just need a friend to talk to . I had no one in my darkest times and lost some good people to depression. Its not too late and someone cares. I care. Oh and i will put my paypal and cashapp link below if you wanna make a donation. If you dont, thats okay too. Even some good advice will suit me. Thanks again to anyone that read this. I hope you find everything you need in life.
much love, Bri [url=https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/munchausen-by-proxy][/url]
Paypal: paypal.me/BubzdaWubz
Cashapp: $SheeshMcGackington