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Article about have an affair free site:
We want to help you learn how to recover from an affair amid this overwhelming pain. Recovering From an Affair. Whether you or your spouse recently confessed extramarital affair, we want to help you recover from the affair amid this overwhelming pain.
Click here for Have an affair free site
Note to the reader: Over the years we’ve counseled hundreds of couples who are grappling with the aftermath of marital infidelity. While the details may vary, the pain is very real in every situation. This article includes input from numerous marriage and family therapists who have accumulated years of counseling experience with couples through Focus on the Family’s counseling service and Hope Restored marriage intensives. We hope that after you’ve read this information you won’t hesitate to follow up by visiting Focus on the Family’s Counseling Services and Referrals page or HopeRestored.com . We’re here for you and your spouse as you seek answers and pursue healing for your difficult situation — as you recover from an affair. May God grant you His wisdom and strength for the road ahead. -Dr. Greg Smalley, Psy, D. -Erin Smalley BSN, MS Download a PDF of this article . Jump to each section of this article: A Devastating Revelation What Is the Definition of Infidelity? When the Affair Comes to Light To the Offended Spouse: Steps Forward To the Unfaithful Spouse: Where Do You Begin? To the Couple: Working as a Team to Care for Your Marriage. A devastating revelation. “Why did this happen?” “Is our marriage over?” “Can I ever trust my spouse again?” “Do I know everything—or are more revelations coming?” “Who is this person I am married to?” “Will she cheat again?” “How can I ever forgive him?” “How do I begin to heal?” “How long will it take before we can feel normal again?” According to current statistics, approximately 30 – 60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. Of course, these are not just numbers on a spreadsheet, they are real husbands and wives facing unspeakable pain and confusion. You never dreamed you would find yourself in their shoes, and you certainly don’t want to be just another statistic. Although you may feel hopeless in this moment, you need to know that there is hope—and a way through this. While it will take willingness, repentance, and intentionality, you and your spouse can recover from an affair by responding decisively and well to this unwanted trial. https://youtu.be/SC1DFgnjXy0. What is the definition of infidelity? The unfaithfulness might be romantic or sexual—involving physical contact that expresses romance, physical attraction, or sexual desire (i.e. holding hands, hugging, kissing, intercourse, etc.). The betrayal might be emotional—an intense bond “between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy” of a marriage relationship. The infidelity might be online—a cyber affair with sexual or emotional undertones carried out “via chat, webcam, email, text, social media, or other forms of communication.” When the affair comes to light. Do not make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Begin the process of healing your heart—identifying your emotions and grieving the impact of the affair. Take your time. If you are the offending spouse, admitting the exact nature of what happened without concealing critical facts is important. However, a fuller picture of the essential details will take some time and guidance to prepare. Tell the truth, but don’t rush into the intimate details immediately. Minimizations, omissions, and unnecessarily graphic information can do additional harm. Be truthful, be patient, and seek guidance on how to appropriately engage in full disclosure. Give each other individual space. The revelation of an affair can be very traumatic and intense. You might find yourself acting in unfamiliar ways due to the heightened sensitivities involved. This can include wide-ranging emotions (fear, anger, insecurity, etc.) as well as physical symptoms and loss of sleep. So, make every effort not to neglect your physical health. Take a time-out when you need to de-escalate emotions. Seek support. Surround yourself with those who make you feel the safest, such as a same-sex friend or a trusted family member. You can also seek the support of a counselor or a pastor. Be aware that deep pain and anger commonly experienced by the offended spouse can create the risk of a “rebound” affair of his or her own. Likewise, the intensity of the disclosure may motivate the offending spouse to return to the affair partner for escape or comfort. Be careful of these pitfalls, and guard against them. The key is to find people who can walk with you through the healing process of recovering from an affair and remain unbiased, supporting you with whatever you need. To the offended spouse: steps forward to recover from an affair. If you find yourself in Sarah’s shoes and have recently learned that your spouse has been unfaithful, we want to offer you some guidance on how to proceed: Practice self-care. Difficulty sleeping Difficulty eating Major weight loss An inability to function and carry out your daily tasks Lack of hope Depression Anger Anxiety or panic Shame Resentment. Physical: Make sure you are eating nutritious food several times per day. Sleep whenever you can—see your physician if you are having great difficulty sleeping. Exercise whenever possible as a form of healthy stress relief. Stop several times per day to concentrate on taking deep, soothing breaths to calm your heart rate or clear your racing mind. Emotional: Identify your painful emotions—put words to how you are feeling. Seek the support of a counselor, pastor, or mentor—someone who is advocating for you and who can help you process your emotions. Journal or write out your emotions. Spiritual: Spend time with the Lord expressing your pain and emotion. Immerse yourself in God’s Word—seeking His guidance, leading, and truth. Connect with nature and the beauty of God’s creation (art, music, hiking, walking, etc.) to meditate upon and breathe in His presence during troubled times. Intellectual: Seek to learn about affair recovery. Take periodic breaks from marriage-maintenance issues. Continue to seek life-giving hobbies and activities. Embrace managing your own emotions even when they are overwhelming. You may be shocked when your deep pain emerges. However, let your painful emotions matter to you — like feeling betrayed, rejected, worthless, unloved, disrespected, failed, etc. Attempt to make healthy choices around managing those emotions. You may experience disillusionment, rage, anger, grief, devastation, and depression. A professional counselor can help you with healthy coping mechanisms and tools that should aid in recovering from an affair. Be honest about how you feel. After a period of caring for and attending to your own heart, be willing to express to your spouse how much you are hurting. Be as honest as you can about the feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, betrayal, fear, and doubt you are experiencing. By sharing openly and honestly, you will help keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse. However, remember that unchecked venting and rage directed toward your spouse will only cause further harm. Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) is critical, even if love is the last thing you’re feeling toward your spouse in the moment. Seek help from a licensed Christian counselor in this process, as it is important to have someone to validate your pain and advocate for you. Seek God’s truth about who you are. Go to the source of Truth and ask Him what is true about you as a person, as a spouse, and as His child. You may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy and not being good enough—especially sexually. The offended spouse’s self-worth can take a hit in the wake of an affair—so make sure you’re turning toward God for your answers. Request total transparency and honesty. When recovering from an affair, you cannot control how your spouse conducts himself or herself, however, you certainly can request total transparency and honesty. You may want to seek permission to have access to his or her call history, email, text messages, and social media accounts. You might also ask to make a plan for handling potential and unexpected contacts from the other person.
Have an affair free site
Article about have an affair free site:
We want to help you learn how to recover from an affair amid this overwhelming pain. Recovering From an Affair. Whether you or your spouse recently confessed extramarital affair, we want to help you recover from the affair amid this overwhelming pain.
Click here for Have an affair free site
Note to the reader: Over the years we’ve counseled hundreds of couples who are grappling with the aftermath of marital infidelity. While the details may vary, the pain is very real in every situation. This article includes input from numerous marriage and family therapists who have accumulated years of counseling experience with couples through Focus on the Family’s counseling service and Hope Restored marriage intensives. We hope that after you’ve read this information you won’t hesitate to follow up by visiting Focus on the Family’s Counseling Services and Referrals page or HopeRestored.com . We’re here for you and your spouse as you seek answers and pursue healing for your difficult situation — as you recover from an affair. May God grant you His wisdom and strength for the road ahead. -Dr. Greg Smalley, Psy, D. -Erin Smalley BSN, MS Download a PDF of this article . Jump to each section of this article: A Devastating Revelation What Is the Definition of Infidelity? When the Affair Comes to Light To the Offended Spouse: Steps Forward To the Unfaithful Spouse: Where Do You Begin? To the Couple: Working as a Team to Care for Your Marriage. A devastating revelation. “Why did this happen?” “Is our marriage over?” “Can I ever trust my spouse again?” “Do I know everything—or are more revelations coming?” “Who is this person I am married to?” “Will she cheat again?” “How can I ever forgive him?” “How do I begin to heal?” “How long will it take before we can feel normal again?” According to current statistics, approximately 30 – 60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. Of course, these are not just numbers on a spreadsheet, they are real husbands and wives facing unspeakable pain and confusion. You never dreamed you would find yourself in their shoes, and you certainly don’t want to be just another statistic. Although you may feel hopeless in this moment, you need to know that there is hope—and a way through this. While it will take willingness, repentance, and intentionality, you and your spouse can recover from an affair by responding decisively and well to this unwanted trial. https://youtu.be/SC1DFgnjXy0. What is the definition of infidelity? The unfaithfulness might be romantic or sexual—involving physical contact that expresses romance, physical attraction, or sexual desire (i.e. holding hands, hugging, kissing, intercourse, etc.). The betrayal might be emotional—an intense bond “between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy” of a marriage relationship. The infidelity might be online—a cyber affair with sexual or emotional undertones carried out “via chat, webcam, email, text, social media, or other forms of communication.” When the affair comes to light. Do not make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Begin the process of healing your heart—identifying your emotions and grieving the impact of the affair. Take your time. If you are the offending spouse, admitting the exact nature of what happened without concealing critical facts is important. However, a fuller picture of the essential details will take some time and guidance to prepare. Tell the truth, but don’t rush into the intimate details immediately. Minimizations, omissions, and unnecessarily graphic information can do additional harm. Be truthful, be patient, and seek guidance on how to appropriately engage in full disclosure. Give each other individual space. The revelation of an affair can be very traumatic and intense. You might find yourself acting in unfamiliar ways due to the heightened sensitivities involved. This can include wide-ranging emotions (fear, anger, insecurity, etc.) as well as physical symptoms and loss of sleep. So, make every effort not to neglect your physical health. Take a time-out when you need to de-escalate emotions. Seek support. Surround yourself with those who make you feel the safest, such as a same-sex friend or a trusted family member. You can also seek the support of a counselor or a pastor. Be aware that deep pain and anger commonly experienced by the offended spouse can create the risk of a “rebound” affair of his or her own. Likewise, the intensity of the disclosure may motivate the offending spouse to return to the affair partner for escape or comfort. Be careful of these pitfalls, and guard against them. The key is to find people who can walk with you through the healing process of recovering from an affair and remain unbiased, supporting you with whatever you need. To the offended spouse: steps forward to recover from an affair. If you find yourself in Sarah’s shoes and have recently learned that your spouse has been unfaithful, we want to offer you some guidance on how to proceed: Practice self-care. Difficulty sleeping Difficulty eating Major weight loss An inability to function and carry out your daily tasks Lack of hope Depression Anger Anxiety or panic Shame Resentment. Physical: Make sure you are eating nutritious food several times per day. Sleep whenever you can—see your physician if you are having great difficulty sleeping. Exercise whenever possible as a form of healthy stress relief. Stop several times per day to concentrate on taking deep, soothing breaths to calm your heart rate or clear your racing mind. Emotional: Identify your painful emotions—put words to how you are feeling. Seek the support of a counselor, pastor, or mentor—someone who is advocating for you and who can help you process your emotions. Journal or write out your emotions. Spiritual: Spend time with the Lord expressing your pain and emotion. Immerse yourself in God’s Word—seeking His guidance, leading, and truth. Connect with nature and the beauty of God’s creation (art, music, hiking, walking, etc.) to meditate upon and breathe in His presence during troubled times. Intellectual: Seek to learn about affair recovery. Take periodic breaks from marriage-maintenance issues. Continue to seek life-giving hobbies and activities. Embrace managing your own emotions even when they are overwhelming. You may be shocked when your deep pain emerges. However, let your painful emotions matter to you — like feeling betrayed, rejected, worthless, unloved, disrespected, failed, etc. Attempt to make healthy choices around managing those emotions. You may experience disillusionment, rage, anger, grief, devastation, and depression. A professional counselor can help you with healthy coping mechanisms and tools that should aid in recovering from an affair. Be honest about how you feel. After a period of caring for and attending to your own heart, be willing to express to your spouse how much you are hurting. Be as honest as you can about the feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, betrayal, fear, and doubt you are experiencing. By sharing openly and honestly, you will help keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse. However, remember that unchecked venting and rage directed toward your spouse will only cause further harm. Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) is critical, even if love is the last thing you’re feeling toward your spouse in the moment. Seek help from a licensed Christian counselor in this process, as it is important to have someone to validate your pain and advocate for you. Seek God’s truth about who you are. Go to the source of Truth and ask Him what is true about you as a person, as a spouse, and as His child. You may be experiencing feelings of inadequacy and not being good enough—especially sexually. The offended spouse’s self-worth can take a hit in the wake of an affair—so make sure you’re turning toward God for your answers. Request total transparency and honesty. When recovering from an affair, you cannot control how your spouse conducts himself or herself, however, you certainly can request total transparency and honesty. You may want to seek permission to have access to his or her call history, email, text messages, and social media accounts. You might also ask to make a plan for handling potential and unexpected contacts from the other person.
Have an affair free site