07-20-2021, 10:35 PM
I'm praying to God someone reads this who would be willing to help because I need help before it's literally too late for me and I am really scared.I feel terrible all the time, I'm always exhausted and I'm working myself to death even faster trying to earn extra money and find some way to save myself almost around the clock even though nothing has worked out for me and even though I work so hard at it. I'm under way too much stress, my hearts been giving me problems really bad... It feels strained more and more often and sometimes I get chest pains that don't go away for a really long time. I get really out of breath really easily now and really fast and sometimes for no reason at all, sometimes I even stop breathing in my sleep, although I hardly sleep at all anymore.. I'm dealing with a lot of things that I really shouldn't have to and often treated really badly and for no reason other than the fact that there's nothing I can really do about it anymore and I have no one to help me. And I get so tired so fast but I sleep very little. And I am also disabled and chronically ill and suffer from severe chronic pain. I also suffer from major depression, anxiety, social anxiety and PTSD. I also have insomnia. I am in a really bad place and I'm surrounded by people who are constantly taking from me and using me because they either just outright steal from me or they use the fact that they easily can see that I'm vulnerable, I have a good heart, a lot of compassion, and I have a hard time saying no to people when they ask me for something. And they trick me into believing that they are decent people instead of predators and master manipulators, drug addicts and criminals. They do it so well that I actually forget what they really are and help them anyway when they ask me and because that's what's in my nature but when I see what they really are or I remember all of the horrible things that they have actually done to me while pretending to be my friends to my face but only when it's convenient for them and if I ever need anything there is never anyone who is there for me or will help me. And they keep taking even though they know I really don't have anything and I never get it back. Then I'm just left feeling angry and stupid and used. All I've ever wanted to do in my life is help people and that's all I've tried to do all of my life. I spent years of my life and even got recognition for volunteering and did it until I was no longer able to. So, it's hard to go against your own nature even when the people who you're helping are only hurting you and you can't even help yourself. Despite the fact that I know that I'm not ok and I'm trying to keep my hope and to keep fighting but every day now at least at one point during my day I find myself wishing I could die just so that I don't have to be so miserable and suffering so badly and always going without. I'm have almost nothing, I live off of very, very little and I only got the first stimulus payment and I support myself, another person and I have dog who's my everything. I'm in a program for people who have health problems and are at higher risk for COVID and they put homeless people in motel rooms but they have done nothing other than that they promised to do, all of the services they offered was all a lie and never happened though I've repeatedly asked for help and they have told me that the program is ending soon and I have less than 30 days to find a place. My heart condition is getting so much worse so fast, I have no help, no family and I'm still going without even basic things that I shouldn't be going without and I physically do less and less. Being under so much stress is cutting my life short and killing me faster and I have nowhere else to turn for help. Please all I ask is for compassion and understanding and any other help you can give. I'm praying someone reads this and can see that I am sincere and I need help. Please, please help me before its too late for me. My cashtag is $BrokenLookingGlass0. Thank you for reading this.