Me?
Hello. This is me. Just another human being in this big, wide world about whose existence you were oblivious a second ago. And perhaps you'll forget me a minute later. But that's not the point. The point is why I am here. Perhaps you noticed a subtle sadness in my tone- something grey. A hint of grief which emanates from my unappreciation by the life itself- or god- if something like that exists. You noticed that? People don't generally.
'Why sad?' you might ask. Well the reason is simple- I need something that I don't have. Isn't this the reason why everyone is sad? And everyone IS sad. We keep consoling each-other for the betterment of the future, give hope to one another, but it only ends one way- when we ourselves end. But I am fine. I'm dragging myself through all this. One has to. I believe it is more difficult for the people who live in the West. Life is too materialistic there, I've been told. In the face of this obvious pointlessness of our existence it is easier for me to distract myself than most of the people. Here, in India, everybody is doing something all the time. Everywhere multiple things are happening simultaneously. Often I find myself out of place. Too many people. Overwhelming activity makes you zone out and you notice how flimsy this world is that we have built. I think most of the people keep themselves engaged so that they don't have to face this reality. They are not brave enough.
Sometimes I question what should I do. How should I live my life? I know it doesn't matter. Nothing does. But one has to live, doesn't one? And the answer I found to this question is- service is the only way. The only meaningful thing that we can do with our lives is to serve people. And that is why I have decided to study hard. Maybe I'll be able to pass the UPSC exam and become a civil servant. I've seen how a civil servant can change lives in India. And the world will change when people will. And then, perhaps, we will be able to make a world where people won't judge everybody, where people won't have to live under the dark shadow of failing to fulfill others' expectations. Where we won't have to sacrifice our weirdness to fit in the crowd. God this is unbearable!
These days I'm trying to live in-the-moment. This is difficult but I trying. I am studying most of the time. Haha you should see the syllabus of UPSC exam. It is said to be one of the most difficult exams in the world. And you pretty much have to give a chunk of your life to it- respect the beast. But it is not so easy. Epecially when you don't have a computer. Computers are too costly in India mainly because we don't manufacture them here and the government levies about 30% tax on importing electronics. Another reason for not having a computer is because I'm poor. Help me buy a computer.
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