Request for Help Please

I’m 21 years old. Now I feel that my curiosity and thirst for life is fading. I’m so depressed that I came here. I had big dreams of becoming a successful fitness professional and helping others, but I cannot help myself. I cannot focus on studying because I’m thinking about how to make money to live. My father went bankrupt and lost his mind and then my mom took me and left him because he used to hit her until she became black. I only had her since 8. I just want to give her a house because she is old now and she only has me. If she is alright maybe I can think of my dreams. ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ Also I love someone who is on the other side of earth which makes me even more depressed. Sometimes I think I’m nothing and I think of death. I think about him every day for the past 3 years. If I don’t manage to go there and he makes a family then I would really like to die. And all this because I’m poor. If you can help me make a first step Please I will become someone who will help others too (^-^) Thank you!